When a problem comes up in anyone’s life, it always seems to be upfront, confronting, intimidating and overwhelming. The moment takes over the person’s life, and in that time nothing seems to offer aid or relief. Whether that occurrence is minor in nature or is extravagant, it always just seems to take centre stage.
Flying above the clouds, as I travelled to Sydney, placed things in an odd perspective. I looked out from the window of my plane and beneath me was the beautiful suburbs of Sydney. On the tiny roads are tiny cars, and although they are probably moving at speed up to one hundred kilometers per hour, to me, it seemed like they were not making any progress at all. Isn’t it interesting that from way up there it seems like the normalities of life has vanished? You cannot see the stress that people are in as they probably frantically drove to work, or the parent who’s exhausted from taking care of their newborn that morning. Now, to be clear, what I’m not saying is to ignore it and be completely oblivious to these happenings, no. What I am saying is that perhaps it would be wise to acknowledge that in the bigger scheme of things we are not alone. We aren’t the only ones struggling, we’re not the only ones hurting and we aren’t the only ones pushing towards a better and happier life. Given this, then, it also means we aren’t entitled to feel anything owed to us when we go through these hardships, for if we are to feel entitled it signals that we’ve burdened more than everyone else – and we know that is false.
As I sit on this table, overlooking the Three Sisters at the Blue Mountains in Sydney, I am reminded of this truth. I’ve been blessed to have experienced a lot in my life. Many of those have been hardships and complete melancholy but a good chunk of it has also been with laughter and love. It is an odd thing to be thinking about these things whilst travelling – and more so to write about it – but the more I remind myself of this truth the better I know I will be in the future.
Perhaps the most curious attribute I have, which I often ponder about, is being a silver medalist. No, I don’t mean studies or work, for those areas of my life I’ve often achieved and excelled, but I do mean this for one particular area of my life: relationships. But before you make any assumptions – which is the lowest form of communication – let me start by mentioning that this is not limited to that of girls. I mean it for every relationship.
Being a silver medalist in relationships has had its toll on me. It’s begun to make me question how worthwhile I really am. Walking down the street, you see people often walking with other people, talking, laughing, and having a wonderful time. But here I am, walking in my own shadow, enjoying the little pleasures of life. What is it about these people that make them different? I don’t know.
What’s more confusing is that in most cases, and especially when new aquaintances meet me, people often compliment me on the way I present myself. They compliment me in my confidence, in my rapport building and in the way I carry myself. But, more often than not, in the same quick way I create these connections, I also lose them. People don’t stick, despite them apparently saying I am ‘one of a kind’ or ‘unique’, and I’ve learnt to live with that.
If I may sulk in a string of words, I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted primarily because I don’t understand. Friends want a person that is loyal and kind – traits that I cherish myself – and yet they don’t choose me, and ladies want honesty and love – more traits that I cherish myself – and yet they seem to always choose another. It’s frustrating that I have never felt how it is to be a gold medalist, a person who has won a person over purely because they see me as ‘the winner’, and I’m curious as to when I will have the privilege. Until then, however, I’m stuck in this predicament of choice: to build up a wall to protect myself from being hurt from being the constant silver and feel fine, or to continue this insanity which causes me to commonly feel a sense of melancholy by being second best – to be the alternative or backup.
I have no clue.
When was the last time you saw the night sky in its full majesty? Perhaps not recently. Unfortunate. The night sky is a majesty of its own, and it holds many wonders, curiosities and beauties that, if pondered about, will undoubtedly incapacitate a person’s imagination. What does it feel like to freely traverse space? Or how would a human, who are confined by our physical limitations, could ever live on another planet’s surface? All of these thoughts are worthy of a ponder, yet most often the answer remains unknown.
I remember vividly one very particular moment where I gazed at the stars. I was at a dam and was lying on the cold, hard, concrete. Darkness surrounded me; no light interrupted my view of the majestic sky, and it was beautiful. I pondered upon the ideas I mentioned earlier as the radiant stars glistened and glowed in the endless sky. Smiling, I felt content and secure in being able to have a moment to bask in the loveliness of nature – despite the undeniable reality that, yes, I was alone.
I spent probably an hour in this gaze, admiring the view and feeling the calmness and the serenity of a cool breeze blowing through my clothes. For that moment I felt complete, and as I stood to return to my vehicle, I couldn’t help but stop to take one more gaze at the night sky. It was beautiful.
When was the last time you saw the night sky in its full majesty?