On February 6th, 2017, I lost a friend. She had been one of the people who’ve stood by me in tough times and helped me up when I needed it. She’s been one of my closest friends – though we don’t really see each other all that often – and has stolen parts of my heart forever. And now, she’s leaving for Chile – for good.
As I stood there, wrapped in her arms, I couldn’t help but murmur unintelligible words which aimed to vaguely say, “I will miss you a lot”. Tears were collecting in my eyes, and my mind could only focus on this moment. What do I say? What do I do? I did not know. All I did know was this: I did not want her to go. Her friendship meant an incredible amount to me that the thought of saying goodbye to her was ripping me to pieces. Our friendship is quite young, compared to most people, but in the time I have known her this has bloomed into something incredibly beautiful.
I pulled back from her arms, still locked in her embrace, to look at her to take in everything – taking in everything I could possibly take in before I had to say goodbye. Useless. The moment I looked at her, tears were the only thing that greeted me. So I looked away, hoping to savour every second before I walked away to catch my train home.
“I really, really, really, really, really, liked you”, she muttered into my ear.
Disaster. My composure was destroyed. I tried to keep a hold of myself, but nothing but pain and hurt flooded my mind. My glasses fogged up from the tears as if representing the drawing of the curtains at the end of the theatre performance. It was nearly time to leave, to say goodbye. I was not ready. I asked myself whether I had enough energy to contain myself. Short answer: no.
I grabbed my bag and donned my coat. I wiped the tears from my eyes before saying farewell to the other friends that were present. They seemed to be having a good time – great. All I could think about was this moment, and it’s getting more real every second.
Walking away I gazed quickly back, just to catch one last glimpse of her. I’ve said my farewells, and I have wished her well – or tried to, anyways. From that moment, I knew that was it. She was gone. She would leave the next morning to pursue a life in Chile. She and her partner will eventually be together – which I am incredibly excited for – and live a life that is incredibly beautiful and lovely. I will be here, always a friend to her and always ready to give her a great big hug when she returns – or when I visit.
Pamela. I want to take this moment to tell you what I couldn’t that night. I wanted to tell you that as a friend I love you. You are the very few people who deeply understand how my emotions work. We are similar in our personalities, we love people in a similar way, we feel in a similar way, and we emote in a similar way. Thank you for constantly reminding me that the love I have to offer is a unique and beautiful one, and is something that I should cherish. Thank you for loving me for me, and thank you for the many laughs we’ve shared over the years. I will miss you sincerely. I will miss your smile, your personality, your random singing, your incredible humour – I will miss everything. Though this is farewell, it is not forever.
Until we meet again, my dear friend. Until we meet again.