Is fondness a crime? Is it an emotion which can only describe as superficial and has no deep meaningfulness? I ask these questions because what I’ve noticed with typical social interactions is this: people are keen on the fondness but not on the attachment that naturally develops from it. They want the thrill of the chase, the excitement of breathlessness, and the rush of adrenaline, but ultimately – when the time calls for it – they are frightened by the thought of intimacy and deep connection. Is it just me? Or is there truth to this revelation?
In a way, I hope I am profoundly wrong. I wish that this observation is merely skewed from the odd chance that I’ve not had a decent sample size to adequately conclude this fact. But, mainly, the reason why I wish I am profoundly wrong is that of a curious case of fondness with a brown-eyed girl. She excites me, she makes me wonder, and I cannot get enough of her.
It feels weird writing about a person. I feel like I am invading a space which I am not in the position to invade. But what I see and what I feel has to be penned. I have to articulate this person’s immaculacy: her personality, her appearance, her movements and her charm. It is intoxicating. I adore it.
Intrigued to go on a quick tangent, I have realised that whenever I pen something down, I tell the story in a very extravagant way. I articulate my thoughts incredibly vividly and opt to be grandeur. This is primarily due to my systemic blessing/curse of being a romantic. I thrive in the adoration, the splendour, and the romantics. Being able to look deeply into a person’s eyes just to tell them how incredibly beautiful they are fills me with incredible joy.
Back to the main point.
Sitting here in a cafe at my local mall, thinking about this brown-eyed girl makes me reflect on why I am here. Why have I sat in this place for nearly an hour and a half writing about her? I think it’s partly infatuation and partly foolishness. I’ve sat here because I do like her and am keen on penning my thoughts about her, but I ultimately don’t know if she thinks about me.
I feel like, with the right person, this quality of hope and admiration will allow us to both flourish. We’d always look for each other and always desire to get to know one another. I personally think that this quality is a beautiful one, if only for the right person. As of right now, however, I am yet to figure this one out.
And it’s slightly painful.